And i leave before as long as i will.|
Let me hear you call my name.
More than words.
SITI NUR UMAIRAH
Always at the limits in th midst of everything.
I love to express what I feel or share any post that i find it relevant.
So, it's quite boring.
Sorry, i just don't live to please anyone.
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Me, myself & I
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I'm just like any other teenagers you see out there.
Heartless. Bastard. Retarded.
Keep in mind, i may sound shallow but that's what impersonate me from my prior typical secondary school life or that's what i think about myself. Now i could see how fragile, vulnerable i could get, being weak as fuck over small matter last time, not saying i'm strong now but now i've learnt things that i, myself have been through nonsensical stuffs which is being a emotionally bitch.
How could i really be like this? I was such a soft hearted back then and whats worst when in th past i only care for only a person and that one person has no effort towards a single shit i've given. Not a single thing. Where's my effort gone to? No where. All those while i was living in my own fucking world. "Why must i continue being like this? " A question i asked before i made my move to leave this life back. Thats what makes me being like this.
What's this referring to? Arrogant. Selfish. Insecure. Stubborn.
I know. I know. Everyone says i'm arrogant from the start but i have my own reason for this. I never knew people would be this cruel to play a fool on things that everyone have which is called "feelings" - I've never had an intention to hurt someone feelings unless they given me that bitched up life. That's when their life wouldn't be that peace. That's when their life was fucked upside down.
I've grown in a society where criticism was nothing from people i could tolerate with, people i'm close with. All curses, swears, all those stuffs. Because i know that they know that i'm just being myself the reason being i'm too influenced by criticism until i have no goddamn reaction. It's numb.
But to an extend where i'm loving a person so unbearably this current moments, minutes & seconds, i wish to have a change in myself. To a better person. To console my life, which things like all myself gone through wouldn't happened again. Once bitten, twice shy. Now i know, what's like being so happy with someone who show me that he truly loves & care for me as an individual. Making every effort just like i did during my ruthless past. I may understood what it feels like and i may know what he felt that very moment to be ignored by someone he really cares for.
That very moment, was th moment where my mind were waked up to someone who really loves me. That he really proves me how strong his love could be and how his effort could freaking broke down my walls and stole this feeling to be truly deeply madly in love like how i would feel back then, but in this case no ignorance was made and that was a bonus that i achieved and thankful to what my life has benefitted from.
I love you, Irfan.
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